In my early years on the farm and later in Lamar before moving to Joplin after sixth grade, I struggled with not being able to do the things other kids took for granted. Couldn’t ride a bike because I was always losing my balance, couldn’t skip, or run fast enough with everyone else. The last one chosen on the playground to take sides… At home on the farm, my parents fought constantly, and most of my memories are set outdoors.
I found the ever-present experience that nature teaches us when we are listening. I found that I was loved for just who I am. I never really fit into the home environment, and I remember crying a lot. Wandering through the woods along the creek that ran through the farm felt like a daily escape… it was. What I was to later learn was the dragons, my mentors, had been with me from the beginning.
The creek, the trees, and the surrounding nature felt like a peaceful haven, free from any conflict. I’ve come to value the idea that there are voices we’re meant to hear, not just random, purposeless thoughts, but something meaningful. Over time, I’ve come to see that what happens in the present—what once felt like background noise to ignore—later manifests as what we now call the “monkey mind.” I’ve realized that the paths others take aren’t necessarily meant for me to follow.
This feeling of disconnection from the present often makes us wonder why we are where we/I appear to be, causing me to question what I wrote in my last entry about my role as a neighborhood specialist. Except that I was to be guided by reality of the paradox and contradictions, along with the dualism we live every day, and most importantly change that must occur. That I am first a student and second a teacher. If you read this and don’t take anything else away look at our own life and how we live. Learn about the meaning of dualism and paradox. It could change your life for the better and aid in seeing beyond hypocrisy and self-interest. Learning words, we don’t often use are meant to broaden our horizons and vocabulary which adds greater meaning to our understanding and wisdom.
It’s like we’re walking on parallel paths—one focused on living in the present with others and another following the Way of Virtue, or Tao. It’s as if who we are in the present doesn’t fully reflect what we are here to see, do, and experience, or who we are still meant to become. There is purpose in the journey as we change, with lessons to teach and, more importantly, to learn. The paradox we live each day is simply the trust we place in our teachers. The voices we hear are like guideposts, shifting only when we’re ready to move forward.
As I returned to my writing, seeking to immortalize the effort thirty years later, I wondered about the meaning behind the words that once flowed from my pen, breathing life onto each page. It felt as though I was encountering words I had never spoken before, now given a context I am compelled to explore. The writing became an introduction to how life welcomed me each day, reminding me of traits I had forgotten traits I must now relearn, remember, and embrace.
My travels with Lieh Tzu / Interpolations along the Way
Chapter Six – Endeavor and Destiny
96. Trusting in my own Destiny
My role is not to know the answers, only the questions. To remain invisible to all with no ego or concern for any results that may come. To become a mentor to all who I may encounter.
To know my destiny is insured with the dragons always leading the way. With no striving or clinging to worldly substance. To remain spontaneous as I come and go. With no concern for any results that may come. 6/11/95
97. To be eternally awakened
How can we know who we come into the world to become? As we learn to trust our instincts and the spontaneity given to us as each moment unfolds. If it is as Lieh Tzu says:
“To live and die at the right time is a blessing from heaven and not to live when it is time to live and not to die when it is time to die is a punishment from heaven, then is not our destiny predetermined?”
Why should some be favored over others? Why should some get life and death at the right time and others live and die when the time is not right? Know that it is neither other things nor ourselves that gives life when we live and death when we die as our destiny unfolds. Nor that wisdom or our endeavors can lead the way.
Could the unfolding of our life’s events be but an endless sequence that happens of themselves by way of heaven? Indifferent to the turn of events coming forward as the unbroken wheel or circle of life. Coming in, living each moment to its fullest then going out again. Could this be the way of heaven?
With no offense to heaven and earth the ultimate cardinal rule. How could the sage not go along? Continuing to clear his mind and open his heart only for eternal truths yet to unfold. His wisdom finding no time to question. Just as the demons are thwarted as they can find no footholds to follow. Each person finds truth solely for himself in silence and serenity. Without attachment, only the peace found as heaven escorts us as we go and welcomes us as we come back again.
Embrace only those things that assist in the awakening of your eternal spirit. If our destiny can be foretold as we travel from one lifetime to the next, then should we not remain awake to the events that show us the way? Living the proper way, can death matter as we are simply waiting to be born again. 6/11/95
Number ninety-six and ninety-seven of one hundred fifty-eight entries.
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